I liked the idea of this one, but I wasn't quite sure the poetry worked with it, if you know what I mean! There are times when the iambs work perfectly, and times they don't, for example
When you wish you were happy, or sleeping, or dead makes you think it's iambic, but
You cannot try by thinking to cheer yourself up is just slightly off.
I don't know, but for me that threw the enjoyment of the poem as I couldn't work out where the metre was lying. Also, I felt the punctuation was a little bit forced - semicolons on consecutive lines in lines 4 and 5, and then colons consecutively lines 6 and 7 again. In fact, when you look, there are punctuation marks at the end of every line except one, the first, and I just thought maybe it would flow a bit better with fewer of them, probably without the first of each pair of punctuation marks cited above. I wasn't sure about the exclamation marks - I think it would probably work just as well without them and would seem less constructed - but that's just a minor quibble!

The meter is anapaestic tetrameter. There are no iambs. I appreciate your remarks about the punctuation, but I shall let it stand as it is - for the moment, anyway.
"You cannót try by thínking to chéer yourself úp." I know cannot normally has the stress on the first syllable; perhaps I should have written "can not" as two separate words, and perhaps even italicized the not. Yes, I think I will do that.

--
I have gone astray like a lost sheep: seek Thy servant; for I do not forget Thy commandments. - Psalm 118 (119)

Sorry, that was stupid! I think the italicised words work better now

Mmm, very good show - it impresses me that you've managed to avoid all the cliches whilst putting in all the important points on such a well-mined subject.

--
-- We're geek! We're l337! Get used to it! --
Geek pride; copy this into your signature and spread the word!

"The human capacity of suffering is what we should cause to be respected, not the mere capacity of existing." - John Stuart M

Well, it's easy. You just write from the heart.

--
I have gone astray like a lost sheep: seek Thy servant; for I do not forget Thy commandments. - Psalm 118 (119)

Alas, many other people do and yet they present us with abominations.

--
-- We're geek! We're l337! Get used to it! --
Geek pride; copy this into your signature and spread the word!

"The human capacity of suffering is what we should cause to be respected, not the mere capacity of existing." - John Stuart M

Yes. Well, in reality you need to have some idea how to write; you need to know what you're doing. If someone said to you "Write a Petrarchan sonnet", you would (spontaneous genius excepted) not be able to do it unless you knew what the rules were. Poetry is more than chopped-up prose. Is it necessary to have a heart in order to write poetry, I wonder? But I fear I am muttering to myself. There is nothing wrong with abominations: they should not be presented, though, I think, without good reason; and they are certainly acceptable when one first begins to write. And although one man's meat is another man's poison, most people recognize an abomination when they see one. For instance, this is perhaps the worst poem ever written (sorry, Mr Bilson...):

"Oh my Ely Cathedral, you have stood there from 1109.
Nothing can move you as you stand in your glory.
Cromwell closed the doors on you but now the doors are open.
Man, woman, young and old, they walk slowly into you.
Music is played in your glory.
Your nearest neighbour is Peterborough Cathedral,
You can see yourselves on clear summer days.
You are big and strong and you are the third largest Cathedral in the country,
I can't say no more about you
But you know I have done my best
To write poetry for you, now I must go...Ely Cathedral."

Rodney Bilson - March 1999

March 1999 was a wonderful month for me, because I went to Florida that month, the only time I have ever been to America; but I fear it was not a wonderful month for the service of the Muse.

If you want to read more work by the same man follow this link: [link]

--
I have gone astray like a lost sheep: seek Thy servant; for I do not forget Thy commandments. - Psalm 118 (119)

I am very glad you revealed this poetic oddity - it truly is magnificent

--
-- We're geek! We're l337! Get used to it! --
Geek pride; copy this into your signature and spread the word!

"The human capacity of suffering is what we should cause to be respected, not the mere capacity of existing." - John Stuart M

"A poetic oddity." Yes, that is a polite way of putting it.

--
I have gone astray like a lost sheep: seek Thy servant; for I do not forget Thy commandments. - Psalm 118 (119)